Originally Posted by
gsingjane
Hello Suzy - please forgive the presumptions inherent in my post. If you read anything that helps, that's great and if not, the last thing I would want to do is cause any more hurt.
I am getting the very strong feeling from your post that the hiker in question is either your son, or a step-son, or someone in that position to you. This is such a hard thing! You want to support and love and care for him, but you also want to do the right thing - and you're having such a hard time figuring out what that might be.
I will share with you a bit of insight that I have gained, not from dealing with a thru-hiker son, but a son that has grieved my heart pretty sorely for some time now. That is, as parents we are programmed to hurt when our kids hurt. We feel it is "our job" to fix things, to "make it all better," to save them some of the same pain and heart-ache that has come our way.
We want to save our children pain because - it hurts to look at them in pain and we want to save ourselves that pain, too. But, in saving someone from pain, you are also depriving him of the chance to grow. One thing that I try and remember every day is that everyone deserves the opportunity to work things out for him or herself. Yes, that will have pain associated with it and it will be extremely tough to look at it sometimes. And of course, we aren't cruel or uncaring about it, and we don't make things unnecessarily difficult. But we also permit our loved ones to experience the consequences of their decisions.
My heart aches for you because I can imagine having exactly the same thoughts and feelings as you, in this or a similar situation. I can completely understand the impulse to drive up there and try to make it better for him, help him work it out. But, perhaps consider that, if you do that at this particular juncture, you may also be depriving him of a significant opportunity to experience personal growth. Well, FWIW!
Jane in CT