Is it selfish for married person to do thur-hike?

[Odd Man Out]

I for one am trying to get my wife to be more independent. I would love it if she would plan a vacation trip with her girl friends. Of course, I would then have more leverage to justify hiking trips I take on my own (Is that selfish?).

My situation is awkward because my wife loves the outdoors and would love to go backpacking, but for a variety of health reasons is no longer able to do so. So if I were to go away for a weekend to hang out with friends, she would be OK with that. But when I go for a weekend of backpacking, she feels I am being insensitive for doing something that she would like to do but can't. Is it selfish of her to have that double standard or is it selfish of me to go hiking if it makes her feel bad?

[Hot Flash]

I for one am trying to get my wife to be more independent. I would love it if she would plan a vacation trip with her girl friends. Of course, I would then have more leverage to justify hiking trips I take on my own (Is that selfish?).

My situation is awkward because my wife loves the outdoors and would love to go backpacking, but for a variety of health reasons is no longer able to do so. So if I were to go away for a weekend to hang out with friends, she would be OK with that. But when I go for a weekend of backpacking, she feels I am being insensitive for doing something that she would like to do but can't. Is it selfish of her to have that double standard or is it selfish of me to go hiking if it makes her feel bad?

What about planning trips where you can drive to a nice campsite, set up a comfortable camp where your wife can enjoy the outdoors and the feeling of camping, and from there you can take some good day hikes while she has a nice hammock and a book back in camp? No, it's not like backpacking, but you'd both get to be outdoors together.

[Slo-go'en]

I've meet more than a few married men and woman doing either a thru or long section hike without thier spouce. Typcially the one who stays home provides the support, such as mail drops, keeping up the journal and such. I seem to meet a lot of married woman doing long hikes. At least they tell me thier married...

Anyway, it all depends on the situation and relationship. Some spouces are going to be supportive and others will feel abandoned. I'm going to guess the OP's wife is high matainance and will feel abandoned.

[kyhipo]

no way your older you deserve it! besides if your miserable than hit it.selfish is not letting go?

[fredmugs]

Wouldn't it be selfish to deny someone their dream?

What if his dream is to bang hookers? Still selfish?

[kyhipo]

What if his dream is to bang hookers? Still selfish?

come on man!ky

[Nutbrown]

If she is already pissed at the idea, she's won't be there when you get back.

[capehiker]

In the event I meet the right girl before my 2014 hike, I'm going to make it very clear about fullfilling a thru hike. Of the few people I know that attempted thru hikes while being married, their number one reason they got off the trail was because they missed their wife.

[88BlueGT]

If she is already pissed at the idea, she's won't be there when you get back.

This is a possibility.... unfortunately.

[jbwood5]

In the event I meet the right girl before my 2014 hike, I'm going to make it very clear about fullfilling a thru hike. Of the few people I know that attempted thru hikes while being married, their number one reason they got off the trail was because they missed their wife.

Good point! It is not like you don't discuss these sort of things before getting married..... unless it is a Vegas marriage. Lol
We had the independence thing pretty much covered early in our relationship before we got married. It would have been great to do a hike together, but that is just one of those things that we did not have 100% in common.
...and by the way, I also think it is healthy to have a mate that has a few things that are not in common with you..... otherwise it can get pretty boring....

[T.S.Kobzol]

Not necessarily. She could put out intimidation wall but if she learns that you are really going to do it and you make her feel that you're not doing it to get away from her :-) then she will adjust.

If she is already pissed at the idea, she's won't be there when you get back.

[88BlueGT]

Women do not like adjustment when it includes their spouse being away for 6 months....

I can tell you with confidence... if I told my GF (not wife) I was going hiking for 6 months she would not be too happy about it and it would be a SERIOUS damper on our relationship. That is just MY relationship, obviously cannot speak for everyone.

[BirdBrain]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?

This should be in the category of rhetorical statements. It is strange how we want to redefine a word, rather than deal with reality. World English Dictionary: Selfish adj. Chiefly concerned with one's own interest, advantage, etc, esp to the total exclusion of the interests of others. This is the exactly what the OP is facing. If the wife objects, then the wife is correct in her word usage. She is stating a fact. This should not have been aired. It should have been worked out in private. A compromise may yet be found. It won't be found by bringing our opinion into your marriage. That approach will just build a thicker wall.

[Astro]

So, would dying also be selfish?

Yes, suicide is the most selfish act known to mankind.

[Hot Flash]

It amuses me how many of the statements in this thread are massively sweeping generalizations about women. Yay for misogyny.

FYI we're not all bitches, we're not all incapable of taking care of ourselves, we're not all selfish, we're not all incapable of "adjustment" while you're away, and we don't all get pissed off if you want time with the boys or alone time...

[hikerboy57]

It amuses me how many of the statements in this thread are massively sweeping generalizations about women. Yay for misogyny.

FYI we're not all bitches, we're not all incapable of taking care of ourselves, we're not all selfish, we're not all incapable of "adjustment" while you're away, and we don't all get pissed off if you want time with the boys or alone time...

will you marry me?

[Fur Queue]

What if his dream is to bang hookers? Still selfish?

if someone's dream is to bang hookers then the relationship is pretty much already down the ****ter...

[Mountaintop]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?

It probably is selfish to some degree, but I would argue that it has more to do with your reasoning for hiking the trail. If you just want to escape your wife,then yea, that's pretty selfish. However, if it so you can work on yourself to make you a better person then that,while still selfish, is a little more noble and will actually help your relationships in the long run.

[rocketsocks]

will you marry me?

and can I have first refusal?

with one caveat...Hotflash...."What ever you say dear"

[Wuff]

My now ex-wife was completely supportive of my thru-attempt (wife was laid off during the hike and I went back to work when I reached Harpers Ferry), and it was awesome.

Of course, you may have noticed that I used the phrase "now ex-wife". Haha.

The trail wasn't really the reason our marriage ended but the trail gave us both the confidence to know that we can't control everything in life, go with the flow, life is about the journey not the destination, and all kinds of other annoying cliches that are often very true.

I think its awesome you've been willing to do 1,000s of miles her way instead of insisting on doing a thru hike YOUR way. Cheers,

Frizzle