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  1. #21

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    As for my non-thru hiking camping trips --- she is extremely supportive of them in particular when I take the kids with me.

    (I do 2 weekends a year with buddy, but most of my trips are with the kids.)
    Love people and use things; never the reverse.

    Mt. Katahdin would be a lot quicker to climb if its darn access trail didn't start all the way down in Georgia.

  2. #22

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    My wife and I used to hike together quite a bit when my son was young. She wasn't up to the mileage that I would do when my son wasn't with us (as he grew up). Occasionally I do dayhikes with her now, but she doesn't relish the thought of putting on a pack.
    She knows how much it means to me and puts up with the lonliness when I'm away for a week or more. One reason I carry a cell phone is so she doesn't get too lonely or worry when she doesn't hear from me for a few days (I try to tell her if I think cell recption will be spotty so she doesn't worry). More than anything, I think my phone calls let her "hike" vicariously with me.
    As I live, declares the Lord God, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn back from his way and live. Ezekiel 33:11

  3. #23
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    Default Unsupportive Spouse or Signifigant other...

    Hey guys,
    Sorry to post again about a similar subject but I need some help.

    Before I met my wife when I was 12, my biggest dream was to hike a long trail. College... a job later in life-- that all didn't matter as much to me and in many ways it still doesn't. I am working right now though I'm not in college, I'm missing that opportunity while many of my peers have gone on to either graduated college or are well on their way. I moved away from my family in Pennsylvania to live with my wife in South Dakota-- it was a really tough move but I got over it because I found my girlfriend (as she was at the time) to be someone I would feel bad not being with. The move caught of all ties with my family and my dad is currently battling a rare form of cancer that they gave him 5 months to live just this April but he still won't talk to me because he's angry I left home. I love my wife, she's an amazing and kind-hearted person-- she always does for others but she really likes me and wants me to be with her. The only thing is that I'm having a hard time finding much meaning in what I'm doing other than being with her-- I have a simple and slow job working at Target that has always been monotonous. I don't feel like I'm doing anything important anymore-- I lumber around the store just finding things to do so that no one will think I'm lazy. That's just a part of the position I have. I have met life-long friends at work and living here though, friends I never had in Pennsylvania and it's tough but we'll be leaving them when my wife goes to grad school this August anyways... it's almost more than I care bare thinking about it because I'll be very cut off..
    I could have gone to college but I put it off because I wanted to do the appalachian trail or some long trail before-hand-- that way I could go ahead and do it, not have any student loans to pay off and not have anything of that like. I don't have any loans right now, no ties to keep me here but my wife and the friends I have (which I'll soon be moving away from that I won't see them for a long time and wouldn't be living in south dakota again for 2 years). I'm on the fence on a huge issue though-- a large part of me wants to stay with my wife while she goes to grad school... just essentially move with her as she goes to grad school and then just have kids so that I feel useful as a stay-at-home dad and maybe fit in college so that I can get a job later. The main reason I'd stay is my wife, it pains my heart to see her sad and crying if I left to go on any trail.

    And it's sad but that's trumping my will to want to hike. It's burned at me for years and years now and I want to hike a long trail and have some time like that-- it's something I never experience for more than a day or two at a time in pennsylvania and it gave my life a purpose and meaning-- it was a beautiful experience to be hiking at all. I know I could do the trail if I put my mind to it but my wife doesn't support it, won't go with me (Grad school) and makes me feel bad by getting sad when we talk about it. I hate the emotion it gives me and I just wish I could come up with a clear and final answer. I'm saddened at the feeling of my wife being sad that I'm gone for 6 months but I'm sad at the thought that I'll have regrets later in life.

    For those who have done the trail, was it worth it? was it a good decision or wrong? What about those who stayed behind from the trail or skipped a chance due to their spouse or a loved one? Or missed a chance because they felt they might regret it?

    What's the real right answer in this? I'm not asking anything but a kind opinion-- I don't want more than that but good guidance.

  4. #24

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    My wife is very supportive when I leave home and go hiking....so is her current husband. LOL

    geek

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Adams View Post
    My wife is very supportive when I leave home and go hiking....so is her current husband. LOL

    geek
    LOL

    My wife and kids have been known to "suggest" that I get away for a weekend. Apparently I don't handle stress nearly as well as I think I do.

  6. #26
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    theycallmej, I'd suggest that you start with a more modest length solo trip I.e., perhaps try a 2-week solo hike, see how well you end up actually liking the experience and how well (or poorly) it works with and for her. Talk about the results afterwards and see if some compromise is possible in (a) future year(s) that leaves you happy with each other.
    Gadget
    PCT: 2008 NOBO, AT: 2010 NOBO, CDT: 2011 SOBO, PNT: 2014+2016

  7. #27
    Registered User Old Hiker's Avatar
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    My wife is not happy with the length, but she hasn't given me too much flak (yet). I leave in 270 days. I'm trying to get all the loose ends tied up: utilities paid forward so she doesn't have to pay them for at least 4-6 months, credit cards paid off or almost off, lawn service found, cleaning service found, insurance paid for the year, savings bumped up quite a bit just in case, etc. etc. etc. I've been planning for 20+ years, so she's accepted it so far. I'm going to owe her big time, though, and that's MY thought, not hers.
    Old Hiker
    AT Hike 2012 - 497 Miles of 2184
    AT Thru Hiker - 29 FEB - 03 OCT 2016 2189.1 miles
    Just because my teeth are showing, does NOT mean I'm smiling.
    Hányszor lennél inkább máshol?

  8. #28
    Registered User Frogdown's Avatar
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    Been married forever. Spouse doesn't care if I am gone for 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 weeks or 6 months! Bet some of you wish you could say that.

  9. #29

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    Im divorced, she no longer has an issue with my hiking.

  10. #30
    Start date: March 13, 2012 Stats 2012's Avatar
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    My wife is awesome. While the thru-hike is my dream (not her's), it was my wife who encouraged me to apply for a sabbatical so I could do my thru. I find this remarkable because she will be saddled with the extra day-to-day duties of raising a 11 and 13-year old kids. She and the kids are aware of their sacrifice and are excited to mail food and supplies to me along the way. I couldn't do it if I didn't have their full support!
    http://atstats.blogspot.com

    "There are many ways to hike the Trail. Your way will be best.” -- Carolyn Cunningham

  11. #31

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    Theycallmej - have you talked to your wife about the fact that you are willing to support her dreams (college, career) but that in return you expect her to support yours? Even if it's not a dream she considers worthwhile, it is your dream. A part of you will remain unsatisfied if you never get the chance to attempt it - and if she loves you, she will want you to have the chance to find out for yourself whether the AT is all you hope it to be. Yes, it may drive you farther apart, but it seems that if you stay miserable while she is fulfilling herself in the ways she chooses, you will be driven apart anyway. There should be some sort of balance in a relationship. Where is yours?

  12. #32
    Registered User Joey C's Avatar
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    My wife and I support each others hopes and dreams. We've dated since high school (graduated 1985) and were married in 1988. I've talked of thru hiking when I retire for some time now. She's dropped me off and picked me up for many section hikes. I've been there for her for various activities she's been involved in - without hesitation. We share our lives together, even though at times we are into different things. She has no desire to backpack, but has never balked at my backpacking. She likes to see my pictures and hear my stories.

    She's my bestfriend, companion, confidant, and shuttle driver!

  13. #33
    Registered User Sierra Echo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Adams View Post
    My wife is very supportive when I leave home and go hiking....so is her current husband. LOL

    geek

    +20

    Bah hahahahahhahahhahahhahaaa

  14. #34
    Registered User Wise Old Owl's Avatar
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    She's not .... She hangs out with AMAC's wife when mall shopping endlessly.
    Dogs are excellent judges of character, this fact goes a long way toward explaining why some people don't like being around them.

    Woo

  15. #35

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    It's hurting my brain thinking that my significant other didn't support hiking in some way! Ugh!

    My non-supportive of hiking significant other might shortly become someone else's significant other.

    Deucalion said it best. "My wife and I SUPPORT each others hopes and dreams. We've dated since high school (graduated 1985) and were married in 1988. I've talked of thru hiking when I retire for some time now. She's dropped me off and picked me up for many section hikes. I'VE BEEN THERE FOR HER for various activities she's been involved in - without hesitation. We SHARE our lives TOGETHER, even though at times we are into different things. She has no desire to backpack, but has never balked at my backpacking. She likes to see my pictures and hear my stories.

    She's my bestfriend, companion, confidant, and shuttle driver! LOL!

    If there's not give and take, balance, understanding, love and sharing, in a relationship, which may require joyful sacrifice at times, on both your parts, what's the quality of that relationship?

    What do I know? I'm on my 7 th marriage. I think I should write a how to stay married book, start a dating website, design some his/her AT bath towels, or .... Nah!

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