How to Be a Good House Guest

[Jack Tarlin]

I realize that folks will look at the title of this thread and think that this one's kind of a no-brainer, but I assure you, it isn't. The purpose of this thread is quite simple, and it comes from the perspective of one who has been a guest in many people's homes, and also as a person who has entertained many a hiker in mine.

And it's especially written for the new guys, like the folks who'll be hiking next year.

* * *

In the course of a long hike, sooner or later you'll find yourself as a guest in a private home. And while a lot of what I'll be writing about also applies to staying in hostels or places where one pays to stay, etc., today I'm specifically dealing with private homes.

You may find yourself at the home of a family member or old friend. Or perhaps you'll end up at the family home of a Trail friend or hiking partner. Or more commonly, you might end up at the home of a complete stranger or someone you only recently met, who happens to take in hikers and help them out.

When this happens, there are ways to be a great guest, and yeah, there are ways to be a bad one, too. The purpose of this thread is to offer a few pointers and suggestions that will make your host feel better about you, and equally important, will help make sure that this person wants to continue taking in hikers in the future.

1. First off, there's the hygeine thing. Even if your host is a former thru-
hiker (or Mom of a current one or whatever), you should still make an
effort to clean up as soon as possible. Most hikers are blissfully unaware
of how filthy they are and how much they stink. The first thing you want
to do after arriving in someone's home is to get yourself cleaned up, i.e.
a good shower first, and laundry second. A private home is not a hostel,
i.e. a place that has a permanent aura of hiker funk present. The clean-
up thing is also important as in addition to your host, there may well be
other family members present, or friends of your host, guests at dinner,
etc. You may well be the first thru-hiker some of these folks have met,
so try and make a good first impression.

Speaking of cleaning up, most hikers aren't aware of how horribly they can
trash a bathroom, what with dirt, leaves, pine needles, etc. Always make
an effort to clean up a bit after you're done in there, especially the tub/
shower area. I assure you your host will really appreciate your thought-
fulness.

While it's probably OK to use whatever soaps or shampoos are in the
bathroom, you may want to ask first, and absolutely ask before using
personal stuff, like hairbrushes or razors.

2. Next thing you'll want to do is your laundry as it's most likely filthy. If
your host points you towards the laundry room and tells you to do it
yourself, fine, but as a rule, DON'T do this on your own. I know of at
least one guy who doesn't take in hikers anymore because a hiker who
was trying to be "helpful" went and did a couple of loads of laundry and
wrecked the washing machine, despite the presence of a sign that told
them NOT to touch it.

3. Keep your stuff consolidated, i.e. don't take over the house with your
things scattered all over the place. Keep in mind that your pack stinks, so
ask your host if it's OK in the house; likewise, ask them about boots in the
house, too. Most will say "Don't worry about it" but it's nice to ask.
Another good reason to keep your stuff reasonably consolidated is that it
will greatly decrease the likelihood of your forgetting something when you
leave, like your sticks, camera, journal, address book, and so on. Pay
extra attention to anything you plugged in, like a charger, phone, etc., and
always ask before plugging anything in, it's a simple courtesy thing.

4. Speaking of electronic devices, be cool with your host's computer. Stick
to Internet/correspondence/journal stuff if possible, and don't be On-Line
for too long. There may other folks in the house who need to use the
machine, plus a lot of folks take in hikers because they enjoy talking to
them, hearing their stories, etc. Sitting down at a computer for three
hours is kind of rude; if you need a lot of computer time, ask your host if
you can use the machine later in the evening. Oh, and it shouldn't have
to be said, but don't do anything inappropriate with your host's computer,
i.e. don't look at anything you couldn't watch with your grandmother.

5. Obviously don't make long-distance calls without asking, and if you're
going to have to receive any, keep them short and NOT late at night.

6. Keep in mind that while things are pretty easy-going on the Trail in terms
of language, bodily functions, etc., it may well be different in a private
residence, so watch the profanity, ball scratching, etc. And whatever
your physical ailments or problems may be, your host in all likelihood
doesn't want to hear the details of your digestive woes, nor does he want
to see you perform toe surgery in his living room. A little common sense
goes a long way here.

7. Hikers get pretty compulsive about food. Keep in mind that back in the
real world, things are different. Not everything in the house is necessarily
there for you, so even if your host says something like "Help yourself to
drinks from the fridge" does not mean it's OK to drink half a gallon of milk
just cuz it's there. And if a meal is served in the home, don't eat like a
wolverine. The meal your host has prepared is not necessarily "All You
Can Eat!" Obviously, if you're told to eat as much as you like, that's one
thing, but otherwise a little restraint is in order.

8. Offer to help clean up. Your host is not your maid or your Mom. Some
folks like to do everything in the kitchen themselves, others may welcome
the help, either with food prep or more likely, cleaning up afterwards. But
always ask, your host will appreciate this, especially if you aren't the only
hiker guest.

9. Speaking of other guests, don't automatically assume that because some-
one took you in or took you home that they want other people there or
that it's cool to bring back other folks, or worse, direct them to someone's
home, leave a map to the house in a Trail register, etc. Unless you abso-
lutely know it's cool, the decision to have hiker houseguests is the HOST's
decision. Believe me, coming home from work and finding half a dozen
strangers hanging around your house, including some really sketcy ones,
is not a pleasant experience. And telling your host, "It's OK, this is my
hiking partner!" or "I've known this guy since Tennessee!" doesn't cut it.

10. If you have a dog, don't take it in the house unless you know it's cool.
Absolutely clean up after it. And NEVER leave it untended while you take
off to shop, eat, go to a movie, etc.

11. If your host has pets, respect this. Asking them to move their dog
outside or to lock their cats in a bedroom during your visit is totally
uncool. If you have a problem with someone's pet that is that profound,
you probably shouldn't stay in the guy's house.

12. Be cool about personal/private stuff. Keep to common areas of the
house (kitchen,living room, your bedroom, etc.) Stay out of bedrooms,
offices, studies, etc. And if you need something, ASK for it. Your host
will be delighted to get you a scissors or some packing tape or whatever,
but will probably NOT be delighted if he sees you rooting thru cupboards
or his desk. Likewise, just cuz a guy has a garage or woodshop full of
tools, ASK before using something. I.e. if your host is a carpenter, his
discovering that a hiker guest is using a two hundred dollar wood chisel
to repair his pack and tent poles is a really good way to get disinvited
from the house.

13. If you borrow something (a pen, a tool, whatever), hand return it to your
host.

14. If you should break or damage something, tell your host.

15. Don't leave the house with anything that's not yours.

16. This includes toilet paper. Wiping your butt for the next two weeks is
not your host's responsibility.

17. Be cool about the partying thing. You'll probably get a pretty good idea
of where your host stands on this, but as a rule, don't ask them if it's
cool to drink or drug in the house or on the property, because if it's NOT
cool, I assure you this will put an immediate damper on your host's
enthusiasm for having you in the house. This is especially the case if
there is a whole family (i.e. children) present. And even tho your host
may partake in certain activities, this doesn't mean he wants his guests
to get all messed up. A little restraint goes a long way here.

18. Don't take advantage of someone's kindness, i.e. don't wear out your
welcome. As Franklin said, relatives, fish, and houseguests tend to
become really unpleasant after the third day.

19. If you do end up staying awhile, consider doing something nice for your
host, i.e. treat them to a meal, bring home some ice cream, or whatever.
This will surprise the hell out of them and they'll really appreciate it.

20. And if you see them doing chores around the place, offer to help out.
A few weeks ago, I unloaded a truck full of lumber and bricks in front of
four hikers who sat around in the yard drinking beer while I was working.
Gotta tell ya, I wasn't all that unhappy to see them leave the next
morning.

21. If you tent, ask your host first where you should go. And even if it's a
totally rural area, be cool with personal hygeine stuff, i.e. even if your
host is a former thru-hiker, he may not be too pleased to see you
crapping in his forsythia bushes. Likewise, getting out of the tent to
piss, or getting out butttnaked and scratching your groin is also kind of
uncool, especially if your host has family or neighbors.

Well, that's 21 things, which is certainly enough for a start. It can all be reduced tho, to something much simpler: If you make a mess, clean it up. If
you use something up, consider replacing it. Put stuff back where it belongs, and don't take something or use something without asking first. Keep in mind
that while you may have needs and priorities, so does your host, so just cuz there's a big TV there, it doesn't mean you should watch loud movies all night.
Don't assume your host has time to shuttle you all around town, back to the trailhead, etc. He may be free to do this, he may not. Hikers assume the world revolves around them and this simply ain't the case when you're in town or at someone's house.

In short, be a good guest, the kind that someone would like to have back sometime, and even more important, make sure that when you leave, your host still feels good about having other hiker guests in the future.

Oh, and this last one is really important: Most folks that take in hikers absolutely love to hear back from their guests, so make sure you get folks' real names and addresses. Send them a "thank you!" postcard a few days after you've left town, and consider writing them later in the trip. Definitely put them on your list of folks who get a Katahdin shot when your trip is over. Most folks that take in hikers keep all of this stuff and treasure it, even to the point of having photo albums, scrapbooks, etc., and nothing makes these folks feel better than to hear back from someone who had a good time at their place.

Well, all for now, I hope the new folks find this post instructive, and I hope to hear from other folks with their thoughts and ideas on the subject.

And yeah, if they like it, website administrators are welcome to add this post (and subsequent comments) to the Articles section of this website.

[sbhikes]

I can't believe someone would crap in someone else's forsythia bushes. And that anyone would need to be told not to do that.

Thanks for posting this list.

[Cookerhiker]

Jack, this is very useful and while seemingly no-brainer and common sense, it helps to remind everyone.

My only comment is about boots. If I ask and the host, tying to be accommodating, says it's OK then he may not know what he's in for! The older I get, the more my feet stink after hiking so I'd hate to stink up the house. So personally, I'd just assume that they should not be in the house or at least should not be worn in the house. I would take them off outside (along with socks), shake them thoroughly, and wear my crocs upon entering the house - no bare feet until the shower. Now if the host doesn't want boots sitting outside and prefers them out-of-sight inside, then of course I'd abide by those wishes. Perhaps I'll just put the question that way: "you really don't want my stinky boots in your house, do you?"

[Jack Tarlin]

Funny thing. I just remembered I wrote almost this exact same post something like three years ago.

But I still think most of it holds true.

[Jeff]

The points made here are all good.

One addition, if someone invites several hikers into their home, be careful not to take long, long showers. It sure feels good but 2 or 3 hikers can easily run the hot water tank out for anyone else.

[Jack Tarlin]

Good point, and I thought of another one when from when I wrote on this subject a few years ago:

Don't mess with radiators, thermostats, heaters, and especially fireplaces and wood stoves unless you really know what you're doing.

While your host may well appreciate your efforts to help keep the place warm and toasty, he's probably less enthusiastic about you burning the place down.

[johnnybgood]

I'll make one addition Jack .

Please me mindful of your host families religious views and customs, i.e. ( Sunday services may be an important segment in their lives) and they may ask you to attend.
Respect their views even if they may seem foreign to you and never force your religious or philosophical opinions upon them.

Just thinking.

[Pacific Tortuga]

I thought it looked familiar. It amazes me that people need to be reminded of these basic rules.
You hear each year of some, idjet's, pulling some crap. Even in Trail movies they show a, "the rules don't apply to me" attitude and often with their pet's.
99% of hikers, some with pet's, can show class and integrity, but it takes just one, to cause the loss of a Trail friend and their hospitality.
If you police the jerk's then, your not cool, what a crock. Speak out when a house rule gets broken, show some backbone and character.

[cowboy nichols]

These are good to follow where ever anyone visits. I like many who live in FL. get houseguests and all are not always aware of old fashion manners. Good list.

[The Weasel]

Although well done above, a lot of this can be boiled down to four rules:

1) Don't do anything without saying "Please" first and being told, "OK."
2) When finished doing anything, leave things better than you found them.
3) After finishing anything, say, "Thank you" and mean it.
4) If in doubt as a guest, say to yourself, "What can I do now to make my hosts glad they have me here," and then do that, consistent with ##1-3.

Good thread.

TW

[LIhikers]

A "Thank you" goes a long way toward making people glad they did what they did for you. It also makes it more likely the "host" will be willing to help another hiker some day.

[kayak karl]

your probable preaching to the choir, but it can't hurt. missed you in Hanover, even looked in a basement bar. its sad you need to post a list like this. i was shocked at the way people treated Chet's place in Lincoln. hate to say it , but it was the younger guys. like their mother was going to clean up after them. even in towns, some hikers did not tip. even for a short shuttle. maybe i'm just getting old

[Jack Tarlin]

Karl:

It often is the younger guys, but not always. Some of the worst offenders (especially in hostels that were run out of people's actual homes like Miss Janet's place or the Cabin in Andover, ME) were people the same age as you and me. They'd leave wet towels on the floor, wouldn't even take their dishes to the sink, never mind help to clean them. Or they'd see people doing light chores and clean-up but would never lift a finger to help. The problem, basically, was they'd been married for thirty-odd years and obviously had wives back home that put up with this nonsense. And the biggest bitcher and moaner to stay at my place was not a youngster, come to think of it. In any case, tho, it is NOT always the youngest hikers that are the problem. Being a jerk, unfortunately, is something that encompasses all ages.

[Blissful]

Be sure to send them a card and a picture of you finishing the trail when you're done. I have sent gifts too, like one of my books.

[Trailweaver]

Thanks for posting this. I do think that even though most of it is common sense, some people need to be reminded of it. Perhaps a better time to post it would be in the spring. . . when people are starting their hike. Maybe we'll see it again. Everything you said is something I would appreciate a guest knowing/doing if I were to take in a hiker.

[kayak karl]

Karl:

It often is the younger guys, but not always. Some of the worst offenders (especially in hostels that were run out of people's actual homes like Miss Janet's place or the Cabin in Andover, ME) were people the same age as you and me. They'd leave wet towels on the floor, wouldn't even take their dishes to the sink, never mind help to clean them. Or they'd see people doing light chores and clean-up but would never lift a finger to help. The problem, basically, was they'd been married for thirty-odd years and obviously had wives back home that put up with this nonsense. And the biggest bitcher and moaner to stay at my place was not a youngster, come to think of it. In any case, tho, it is NOT always the youngest hikers that are the problem. Being a jerk, unfortunately, is something that encompasses all ages.

i thought it was a generation thing. my son (married 3 yrs) was to meet me to go to Cabela's and called and said he would be late because he HAD TO CLEAN THE HOUSE. i didn't laugh till he hung up. she's training him well.
good luck with your list. a tongue lashing might work better. people need to speak up. me too. KK

[kayak karl]

Thanks for posting this. I do think that even though most of it is common sense, some people need to be reminded of it. Perhaps a better time to post it would be in the spring. . . when people are starting their hike. Maybe we'll see it again. Everything you said is something I would appreciate a guest knowing/doing if I were to take in a hiker.

just a thought. maybe it should be posted on the front doors, bathroom mirrors, washing machine lids, toilet seats, cabinet doors, bedroom doors, porches, the garden................

[ShelterLeopard]

Thanks Jack- this post is really useful. I'd like to think that I'd be a really good houseguest and would've done all of this without reading it, but there are a couple things... mainly, the showering issue. After hiking for a while, you really do forget you dirty you look and how awful you smell. I can imagine it would be very easy to come into a home and sit down, forgetting that while your nose has become numb to everything except the smell of food, your host's nose has not.

[drastic_quench]

Don't commandeer the remote. It's their TV, their cable, their choice.

[Tinker]

Thanks for the list, Jack. I remember making a mess of the bunkroom at the Josh and Leigh's hostel in Ga. and leaving it when I went for breakfast. I had intended to clean it up but ran out of time. I hope nobody looked into the room during that time or they would have judged me to be an unthankful slob. After breakfast I finished organizing and packing my gear and all was well. It was a wonderful experience.
Generally, as a section hiker, I don't stay at hostels, but I was with Frosty, who was attempting a thruhike (2006). I did help to clean up and wash the dishes, hopefully making up for my (temporary) trashing of the bunkroom.

The toilet paper thing - yes, I've heard many a thruhiker discussing whether or not it's ok to take it (mostly from hotels, not hostels or private residences).
If you have any questions just ask the owner/manager. Quite often they'll be happy to help.