lacking support

[Wise Old Owl]

be warry of taking advice from people with nothing to lose.

Great answer Sheepdog, I really identify and like where this thread is going. The support on my relatives towards even joining on a two miler has been very dissapointing. So I can see some of the issues here. Very tough if you are not supported by the ones you love.

[hikingshoes]

I understand where this lady is coming from.I been with my gf for 5yrs,now that im getting back into hiking/backpacking she thinks im Crazy,has done a 180 on me.Plus it puts a hold on your hiking due to pleasing the mate,knowing deep inside you want to go hiking but you dont want to put up with the BS/drama and isnt getting better.I just dont understand why your mater(male or female)cant just go with the flow and enjoy what ever your mate wants and feel free and enjoy life as well.lol,ok ill stop venting.

[Dogwood]

Wow jack that was a compelling account of what the OP should do. Rather well done! She must go hike. I can see clearly now that the rain is gone, It's gonna be a bright bright bright sun shiny day.

[sylvia_claire]

are you dating? married? are their children? are your finances combined? is your partner financially impacted by this big time? is your partner the kind of person who needs to be with you alot or not? If your partner was going on a five month trip to X(make sure you make x something you feel is as silly as they feel through hiking is) and spending 3-5k to do so how would you feel?

If you are just dating I'd be especially looking to questions of money and how your "strict budget" is affecting them and how that will continue up untill your hike in 2011. even if you don't live together that could be a strain

[Jayboflavin04]

Everyone is referring to HIM when she said Partner.

Just an observation

Regardless.....same points still apply regardless if her "partner" has an innie or an outtie......I think she understands, and sorry if she might be offended for our informal insertion of "him" into the equation.

[Ladytrekker]

Hey guys I need some input. I have been in a relationship for five and half years. The last three years or so I have been talking about doing a thru hike. My partner has always been kind of nonsupportive about the idea. Now that I have planned a start date of 2011 and am following a strict budget to save $ for the thru hike it has really gotten bad. The thing is I understand where they are coming from but they seem to not understand how strongly I feel about doing this. It has become such a passion and dream and I feel like I need to do this but am afraid it will end my relationship. I question if I want to be with someone that will not support me in accomplishing a life goal and they feel like they don't want to be with someone that can just get up and leave and expect them to put their life on hold. We are not seeing eye to eye at all and either one of us wants to compromise. Any suggestions/input would be great/ How did you handle this?

Thanks

I wish you luck, but I will say that I am divorced after 23 years of marriage and now know that it was doomed from the start. We did not have the same vision and I don't mean agree on every aspect but you fall in love with the person and then spend the next 20 years trying to change them. In my case I was the one being changed and did not like the person I was becoming. I think compromise is wonderful but giving up on who you are should not be an option. She does not understand you or she just doesn't get it. I don't think love can heal regrets.

[The Weasel]

This is the wrong place to seek advice.

This isn't "The Relationships Forum." It's a hiking and backpacking forum. People here start from the proposition that those are great things, and, in particular, the AT. So it's not a source of unbiased opinions, no matter how hard anyone tries.

If your questions is, "Should you hike the AT?" then we can give you comments and advice, not only on food, gear and the nature of the experience, but the strains and helps that such an adventure can place on a relationship. Do you have the skill, or stamina, or other things that make it possible to hike a long distance? Ask away.
But as to whether to crater a relationship or not? You want advice about this from people whose names you don't even know, who may or may not have (or have had) good relationships in the past? You're going to convince your partner that you're "right" because a bunch of us bozos on WhiteBlaze said "go for it." I hope not

For this one, you need someone who can talk to both of you and help you both come to carefully thought out conclusions, including whether there are other, deeper, issues involved. If you have either insurance or moeny, get a professional counselor; if you don't have the funds, ask for one who will help you for modest fees. If you have a religious advisor you both respect, she/he may be of help. In a word, use professionals who have some idea of what they are talking about. You both will 'win' if you do.

TW

[Jack Tarlin]

Oh, so only "professionals" can offer advice or suggestions here, Weasel?

That's pretty funny.

And yes, this is indeed a backpacking forum, dealing specifically with giving advice on long-distance hikes/thru-hikes of the Appalachhian Trail.

Yet every day, there are dozens of folks here who offer all sorts of commentary, advice, and admonishment on these subjects, yet they've never thru-hiked and in most cases, never will.

Are they therefore commenting in "the wrong place"?

Because truly, Weasel, if there were limits placed on commentary here based on mileage or Trail experience, especially as regards the phenomena of thru-hiking, in truth, we'd be hearing a lot less from a great many people.

Including you.

[The Weasel]

Kerri:

While Jack is welcome to try to make this into some kind of debate about his (or our) right (or ability) to give you highly personal advice, not about what hiking is like, but about your relationship with someone who has been important to you in the past, and may well be in the future, the fact remains that's not hiking advice. I (and I'm sure most here) hope you get advice that works for you about that relationship from people who can really assist you, and I wish you well as does everyone else, whatever direction you end up going.

TW

[sheepdog]

Oh, so only "professionals" can offer advice or suggestions here, Weasel?

That's pretty funny.

And yes, this is indeed a backpacking forum, dealing specifically with giving advice on long-distance hikes/thru-hikes of the Appalachhian Trail.

Yet every day, there are dozens of folks here who offer all sorts of commentary, advice, and admonishment on these subjects, yet they've never thru-hiked and in most cases, never will.

Are they therefore commenting in "the wrong place"?

Because truly, Weasel, if there were limits placed on commentary here based on mileage or Trail experience, especially as regards the phenomena of thru-hiking, in truth, we'd be hearing a lot less from a great many people.

Including you.

So basically you think its a good idea to get advice about an important relationship, from people you don't know, you don't know anything about, and who don't have anything invested if their advice goes wrong?

[sheepdog]

Kerri:

While Jack is welcome to try to make this into some kind of debate about his (or our) right (or ability) to give you highly personal advice, not about what hiking is like, but about your relationship with someone who has been important to you in the past, and may well be in the future, the fact remains that's not hiking advice. I (and I'm sure most here) hope you get advice that works for you about that relationship from people who can really assist you, and I wish you well as does everyone else, whatever direction you end up going.

TW

you are correct.

[wrongway_08]

If the hike is important, do it.

If the other person doesnt support your dream .... their loss.

Whats important to you?

[Jack Tarlin]

Actually, the situation described by the original poster is hardly unique.

A lot of folks go thru something like this each year, and it certainly affects their decision to take six months off and hike.

So despite what a few folks have said, I think that this is a perfectly fine and perfectly appropriate thing to be discussing here.

Those that disapprove of the dialogue can excuse themselves from it.

I assure them they won't be missed.

[sheepdog]

Actually, the situation described by the original poster is hardly unique.

A lot of folks go thru something like this each year, and it certainly affects their decision to take six months off and hike.

So despite what a few folks have said, I think that this is a perfectly fine and perfectly appropriate thing to be discussing here.

Those that disapprove of the dialogue can excuse themselves from it.

I assure them they won't be missed.

Awe now you went and hurt my feelings.

[Big Dawg]

because a bunch of us bozos on WhiteBlaze said "go for it." I hope not

calling some people bozo's you don't even know....

I'm pretty sure hikingbear is putting all of the advice on this thread into perspective.

[Dogwood]

While I've read some great advice about relationships and some positive comments about acheiving dreams, including some personal accounts of like situations of some posters, all any of us can do is base advice on one paragraph and nine sentences from the OP. I don't think that sums up the OP's entire relationship, issues, or situation in the matter of whether or not to hike the AT or the motivations or concerns of her partner. Any of us can read many things into this situation without knowing the full picture.

[Old Grouse]

[quote=Big Dawg;907647]calling some people bozo's you don't even know....


I think TW was just channeling the Firesign Theater's album, "I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus."

[Doooglas]

You only live once.
Make sure and break your boots in well. 2 pairs ! Send one ahead so when the first wear out the second will be ready to go.

[The Weasel]

[quote=Old Grouse;907701]

calling some people bozo's you don't even know....


I think TW was just channeling the Firesign Theater's album, "I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus."

OG:

Everything You Know Is Wrong.



TW

[superman]

Hey guys I need some input. I have been in a relationship for five and half years. The last three years or so I have been talking about doing a thru hike. My partner has always been kind of nonsupportive about the idea. Now that I have planned a start date of 2011 and am following a strict budget to save $ for the thru hike it has really gotten bad. The thing is I understand where they are coming from but they seem to not understand how strongly I feel about doing this. It has become such a passion and dream and I feel like I need to do this but am afraid it will end my relationship. I question if I want to be with someone that will not support me in accomplishing a life goal and they feel like they don't want to be with someone that can just get up and leave and expect them to put their life on hold. We are not seeing eye to eye at all and either one of us wants to compromise. Any suggestions/input would be great/ How did you handle this?

Thanks

He doesn't support your dream...damn? hack him to pieces in his sleep, dehydrate or smoke hike. Put him in re-supply boxes and have him as your re-supply all the way up the trail. Now, how much more supportive can he be.