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  1. #1
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    Default stink's postscript

    hey all-
    some of you may know me from the trail this year, although i probably don't know you. i'm stink. i passed through pretty early, march 1 to august 2. the hike was amazing at times, beautiful and serene. lots of time to ponder and meander. other times, as you may have read in the registers, i was not so happy. my feet blew up, my spirits dropped, and a millipede shat in my eye.

    but i've been home in philly/my parents' place in the burbs for ten days now and i'm feeling empty. depressed. instead of coming home and bringing peace and contentment into my life here i've felt like garbage. i bone my girlfriend, ride my bike, eat and watch tv. i don't feel victorious or gigantic. in fact, it mostly feels like it was someone else who thru-hiked and had all these amazing adventures. anyone else in the same boat?

    i heard about post-katahdin depression months ago and joked about how happy i'd be to finally finish the trail. now i don't know if it was a joke or not.

    peace
    -stink

  2. #2
    AT NOBO2010 / SOBO2011 Maddog's Avatar
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    sounds like post-katahdin depression to me! good luck brother!

  3. #3
    Registered User Cool AT Breeze's Avatar
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    Default

    Time to start planning next years hike. PCT or CDT even AT again.
    The trail is ever winding and the party moves every night.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by stink View Post
    I don't feel victorious or gigantic. In fact, it mostly feels like it was someone else who thru-hiked and had all these amazing adventures.

    I heard about post-Katahdin depression months ago and joked about how happy I'd be to finally finish the trail.
    Maybe you don't feel like a giant because you aren't a giant, but rather an ordinary human being, albeit one who's had an unusual experience. Furthermore, if you've conquered anything at all, it was only something within yourself and there are still many more battles to be waged.

    Contrary to what you thought, you didn't finish, but rather reached a new beginning. What you do with it is entirely up to you.

    It was you who hiked. You are the same person you were, yet in some ways you have been changed by the Appalachian Trail. It's entirely possible you may never be able to go back to the life you knew before your hike. You're not the first, nor are you likely to be the last.

    Consider the significance of your experience and how it might bear upon the rest of your life, but don't dwell upon it excessively. You may only learn its significance when you look back upon it years from now.

    In the mean time, use what you've learned to move your life forward in one or more new directions. Find within yourself the pure joy and passion you once knew. It is with you still and it can be called upon at will.

    Seek something constructive to do with your time that benefits someone else without sacrificing your own needs and, in doing so, you may find your new direction. Onward!

  5. #5

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    Congrats!

    I guess the moral of the story here -- and I am working on this, because I feel the same aimlessness, having just summited a week ago -- is to try and always be doing something insane with your life. We may just now be realizing now how boring the whole 'real world' thing is. Time to move out into the woods, perhaps? Time for another long-distance hike? The old minimum-wage treadmill does not look so seductive to me at the moment.

    Good luck figuring it out; if you find some sort of mythical easy answer, please cue me in. And congratulations, again.

    :Cheers,:
    -Primitive.

  6. #6

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    I had posted this on WB in October, 2004 and it is still true today.
    "Also the end of the hike isn’t quite so traumatic for a section hiker as for a thru but this is the piece of the hike that almost all hikers are ill-prepared for. I like to describe finishing on Katahdin (for NOBOs) as like a graduation where most of the class is missing. You remember all the people you have hiked with for months and you would love to share this moment with them, but they are not there. The feeling that lots of hikers get at the end of a hike is that of loss. One hiker I met on the summit was just standing there and I asked him what was wrong. He said: “What do I do now?” You have been dedicated to this intense activity with others who have become very close and all of a sudden, they are gone. What a lot of hikers feel is akin to the grieving process that follows a death of a loved one. I was lucky because I had hiked for 45 years, had sectioned hiked, and it didn’t strike me as hard as it does many hikers. I think this is probably the biggest problem with a thru hike and the least recognized or discussed."
    Like anyone in a situation like this what will help is a support group. One hiker I hiked with for a long section of the trail in 1998 came up with a simple but great idea that helped. Cunuckelhead got the addresses of a large number of hikers who knew each other and, after the hike, sent out a letter with that list to each one. The instructions were to send every other person on the list 3 photos of you and your fellow hikers, wildlife, favorite scene, whatever, plus a page or so telling others about your hike. It took about 6 months for some of the hikers to send stuff out so you were always looking forward to the mail and the eventual thick letter from a familiar name.

    That was then but now with the internet you can keep in touch through WB, FaceBook, etc., and have your little mini-therapy sessions whenever you sign on. You can also give talks to local groups on hiking the A.T., go to Trail Days and The Gathering for reunions with fellow hikers, do trail magic, trail work; there are countless trail related activities you can do depending on where you live. The big thing is realizing these feelings aren't unusual, that many others have the same feelings, and that you can do something positive to ease them.

    All these ideas will help plus time eventually will help you sort through all your feelings as well. The main thing is recognizing these feeling as potential problems and doing something positive to work through them.

  7. #7
    So many trails... so little time. Many Walks's Avatar
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    There are thousands of other trails. Go hike some and build on your experience.
    That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. Henry David Thoreau

  8. #8
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    Stink, I'm sorry you're feeling down. What do you miss about being on the trail?

    On much shorter hikes than a thru-hike (1 to 3 weeks), I've found it difficult to adjust to being inside most of the time. My job was next to a large, fairly wild, city park. I'd walk to work through the park. I'd take as many short walks in the park during the day as I could -- 15 to 30 minutes every couple hours. I was fortunate I could do that at my job. In fact, it was useful for the work; thinking is easier for me when I'm walking.

    Try to organize your life so you can do frequent shorter hikes, day hikes, weekend backpacks, etc.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snowleopard View Post
    On much shorter hikes than a thru-hike (1 to 3 weeks), I've found it difficult to adjust to being inside most of the time.
    People who participate in longer hikes may have more of an adjustment to make. Some experience difficulty in returning to a life more like most of the rest of us know and have come to accept.

    It's not a concept those who haven't experienced it are apt to understand at least not intuitively. It probably affects younger hikers and those who don't have clear plans for what they will do post hike more than older hikers or those with a clearer sense of what the future holds for them.

    There is something about following blazes for months on end. I am reminded of how an AT journal many here claim as their favorite ends. I'm not sure I can quote it. I'll look it up and link it if I can.

  10. #10
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    Default Then the Hail Came

    The final paragraph of the last entry follows. Note in particular how it ends.

    I climbed the last stony piece of trail up Baxter Peak: a large pile of boulders atop a high, wind-swept plateau of naked rock. I followed the white blazes to the sign which marked the summit of Katahdin and the northern terminus of the Appalachian Trail. Then, in a habit which had become deeply ingrained after 2138.5 miles, my eyes automatically searched for the next white blaze. It wasn't there.
    http://skwc.com/exile/Hail/Hail-ch26.html

  11. #11

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    Stink, i think i met you. Were you the one who got in trouble for drinking in damascus?

    My thoughts on the post trail situation: because i did not finish, i still look forward to completing the trail. I made it roughly half way. I am now immersed in law school, and think about the trail routinely. I am here in atlanta, hometown is dahlonega, so I know that any weekend i can get up on the trail, and i am looking forward to another beautiful fall. You have to realize that for most folks, being on the trail is not a permanent thing. You can't just go hike the trail and come home and all things are figured out and life has no more mysteries. From what i remember, you were fairly young, so you have a lot of things left in front of you. As horrible as this sounds, the AT will not completely define you. It was a great journey, great accomplishment, and a fun time. Unfortuneately, and at least for now, that is all it was.

    I would venture to say that post katadin depression stems from missing the life of trail, discovering the limits of what the AT can do for you, and being left to reconcile these things back home where things are just too plain and normal. Most embark on the AT expecting it to change them, change who they will be, and solving most of the questions they had at home. In essence, prior to leaving, it is seen as a frontier of endless possibility.

    In summary, you just got to dream on and fight on. Let the AT be one small chapter of a great life.

  12. #12
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    One of the good parts about getting older is accumulated experience, no small portion of which is transferable. In other words, what's learned is often applicable to many other experiences which might not seem to be related.

    What's learned in the course of an AT hike is transferable to many other things and no one can take away those memories which can be one of life's most treasured possessions.

  13. #13
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    the past couple of days i've been riding bikes everywhere. went to the jersey shore and camped out on the beach, under the stars, getting HAMMERED by the mosquitos. who knew they could live in salt water?

    anyhow, thank all of you for your perspective and advice. it is/was tough realizing hiking the trail isn't some magical answer to the grittiness of life (e.g. work).
    peace
    -stink

  14. #14
    Snot 'n' Piss (S'n'P)
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    :banana

    I can relate, although I am in a similar situation to Dreamsoftrails--I wasn't able to hike the whole Trail this year, so I have 492 miles to look forward to next year.

    Even so, I feel a bit directionless--following white blazes for half a year was a pretty simple existence. I am back in the 'real world' now, and am trying to figure out how to live my life more in the manner of Snot 'n' Piss, and less as Bonnie Ralston. I didn't experience a magical transformation into someone new, but the Trail gave me the space to consider what is truly important to me. The challenge now is how to retrofit my life to match this.

    btw, dancing bananas are important to me.

  15. #15

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    I don't think you're boning your girlfriend correctly.
    Drab as a Fool, as aloof as a Bard!

    http://www.wizardsofthepct.com

  16. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Primitive View Post
    The old minimum-wage treadmill does not look so seductive to me at the moment.
    The old maximum-wage treadmill is more seductive, however it's still a treadmill.

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