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  1. #61

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    On the "pro" side put down "Can gorge self almost to death on cheese every day if I want to."
    Drab as a Fool, as aloof as a Bard!

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  2. #62
    Registered User GlazeDog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VictoriaM View Post
    I haven't answered because I don't really know what to say. No, I'm not feeling better. No, my husband is not a control freak or a jerk, just a man who misses his wife when she's gone and has a hard time dealing with house and pets alone while being out of the house for up to 14 hours every day for work. Yes, in the end it is up to me, but it's hard to continue a six-month trip knowing that the ones you love most will have such a hard time of it.
    I hope you can hear this open-mindedly. I get a sense you're emotionsl right now and not seeing things clearly. You're talking in definitives (i.e. "never", etc.) and very emphatic language. It sounds like you need some space to think.
    Maybe your husband needs to work less-switch jobs?? 7days times 14 hours is 98 hours a week. That is more than 2 full time jobs. This doesn't sound like reality to me. And the dogs can surely be dealt with. You are more important than the dogs.

    The only person that you can truly make happy.....is yourself.

    Be responsible for yourself first.

    Truly this may sound harsh, but I say it with true concern.

    Sincerely,
    GlazeDog

  3. #63
    Registered User Bravo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GlazeDog View Post
    I hope you can hear this open-mindedly. I get a sense you're emotionsl right now and not seeing things clearly. You're talking in definitives (i.e. "never", etc.) and very emphatic language. It sounds like you need some space to think.
    Maybe your husband needs to work less-switch jobs?? 7days times 14 hours is 98 hours a week. That is more than 2 full time jobs. This doesn't sound like reality to me. And the dogs can surely be dealt with. You are more important than the dogs.

    The only person that you can truly make happy.....is yourself.

    Be responsible for yourself first.

    Truly this may sound harsh, but I say it with true concern.

    Sincerely,
    GlazeDog
    TruDat!!!!

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by SURVIVOR View Post
    VictoriaM,
    You and I stayed at the Hiker Hostel together and chatted for a bit. We saw each other again at Neel's Gap. I got off the trail the next day. Do not beat yourself up over this. You have a lifetime of adventure ahead of you. Not all dreams come true. That's life. But you tried.And who knows. You may be able to start again. If not, your head won't pop off of your shoulders. Keep going. Move on to the next dream. I don't think of me failing a thru hike, I think of it as a sucessful section hike from Springer to Neel's! All is well, VictoriaM.
    A quote from a movie or tv show I barely remember watching last night and don't remember the name of that managed to stand out was "I don't use the term failure. I succeeded at figuring out what doesn't work!"

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by VictoriaM View Post
    I haven't answered because I don't really know what to say. No, I'm not feeling better. No, my husband is not a control freak or a jerk, just a man who misses his wife when she's gone and has a hard time dealing with house and pets alone while being out of the house for up to 14 hours every day for work. Yes, in the end it is up to me, but it's hard to continue a six-month trip knowing that the ones you love most will have such a hard time of it.

    I do have health issues, among other things, that would get in the way of a future thru. By rejecting sectioning for myself, I mean no offense against sectioners, just that it would be meaningless for me personally. Yes, I'd have fun hiking all the different sections, but I wouldn't feel as if I had accomplished anything.

    It's a tough decision for all involved, and whatever I choose will hurt someone. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I'm nbot sure which) it looks like I'm going to have to go back out. I've sunk into a deep depression that nothing seems to help but planning to continue my hike. I want to go back and finish my hike more than anything, but at the same time I don't want to go back. I worry that I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't finish, and I worry that I'll be miserable and lonely for the duration if I do. Yes, I'm aware that I'm not the first person to have these kinds of feelings, but knolwing others have had them doesn't make them any easier.

    I'm leaving things up in the air for now. If I'm going to get back out I need to do it soon, as I think I'll need to take it extra slow to avoid reinjuring myself. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but whatever it is will happen by the end of the month, I think.
    Living is something you do one day at a time. So is hiking, so is being married, so is being happy, and so is being miserable. Take care as you go through this that you do not attempt to bear a lifetime of suffering in a single day. Take today's suffering, today's disappointment, the trials that are in front of you right now: try to concentrate on those. As for tomorrow, there is a certain amount of planning for tomorrow that is today's duty, but the rest is generally a fruitless anxiety. All fulfillment you will ever find is to be found in the present moment, and nowhere else.

    Having said that, healing (physical and inner) and grieving are both processes that cannot be hurried. While you're recovering, though, it is not a bad time to ask yourself what you think finishing this through-hike is going to do for you, whether you think it is going to make you a different person than you are now, and whether becoming who you want to be can happen in no other way. You have said that sectioning would be "meaningless"....but what is the meaning that this quest has for you? Have you set it up as a cure that may not deliver the goods? If not, can you set about doing what you can to make it either more meaningful or more likely to succeed next time than it was this time? We are not trying to be glib, but you are hardly on your deathbed. Life has its surprises, for those ready to be surprised.

    I say this because what you are going through is very similar to what is suffered by those who had their heart set on becoming a physician or completing a doctorate, when it becomes clear that that is not going to happen in the immediate future and especially when it looks very possible that it may not be a realistic goal even in the distant future. A lot of soul-searching goes on. Handled badly, it does lead to a bitter lifetime of regret. Handled well, though, it makes a more centered person and, when things do turn out in the end, a far better doctor than a journey of clear sailing would have produced.

    Why would that be? It is because these great achievements do not create meaning in our lives so much as they unearth it. What the hike will unearth in you is in you right now. Consider the day of your funeral, what the mourners will miss about you. Is your successful completion of a thru-hike so likely to be the centerpiece of the emptiness they would feel, if you were gone? (Obviously you would be deeply missed, or your husband would not give a fig whether you hiked or stayed home.) Or is it more likely to be those qualities in you that such a hike would either nurture or exemplify? Consider ways that you might nurture those qualities--both the ones that make you a beloved and the ones that make a thru-hike a possibility for you--until the day when another opportunity might present itself. Consider also, that there may be things standing in the way of your hike that are at the same time things for which you may be, on another day, very much thankful. It may seem cliche, but we've all seen It's a Wonderful Life. There is a quite a bit of truth in that sentimental old chestnut.

    Good luck, as they say, happens to those who are ready for it. This delay may, in the end, deepen the meaning of the hike that you do complete. If you were to say one day, "That stupid sprain turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me"....well, it is hard to imagine, but it wouldn't be the first time.

    One more thing: you may be suffering clinical depression. If this fog of grief and misery does not lift, or if it produces feelings of worthlessness in you, get yourself some help. Just as walking on a bad knee can make it worse than having it tended to, so trying to "walk through" depression can lead to a life needlessly bogged down in hopelessness and despair. You would never let a champion thoroughbred continually suffer what you decided on your own was a career-ending injury without ever having it seen by a veterinarian. Give yourself the same credit. If you think you have problems that can't be fixed, that is exactly when you should see someone who has made a profession of guiding the process that fixes them.

    Until the cloud of grief lifts, hang in there. It will pass, if you use the time well, but it won't be easy. If you can, find people who are going through the same thing, if that helps you. We feel for you, and many will be the time out on the trail that we will be thinking of you--even if we aren't on the AT--I'm sure of it. But please, do take this as you would have had to take your thru-hike, if you had any hope of finishing it: one day at a time.

  6. #66
    Llama Punch VictoriaM's Avatar
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    Talked to hubby tonight. He's planning to drive me back down to Hiawassee the last weekend of this month. April 1st is my restart date, beginning where I left off (I feel a little funny about that, but I guess I haven't been off long enough to need to start over). We'll see how I hold up physically.

  7. #67
    ME => GA 19AT3 rickb's Avatar
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    I haven't been off long enough to need to start over
    You got that right!

  8. #68
    Llama Punch VictoriaM's Avatar
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    Oh, and one other thing: A Llama Punch is like a donkey punch but with spitting. This is what happenes when you let your hiking buddies trail name you.

    (I wish I could edit.)

  9. #69
    Registered User Frolicking Dinosaurs's Avatar
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    This is good news, Victoria. Prayers for your success.

  10. #70

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    Quote Originally Posted by VictoriaM View Post
    Talked to hubby tonight. He's planning to drive me back down to Hiawassee the last weekend of this month. April 1st is my restart date, beginning where I left off (I feel a little funny about that, but I guess I haven't been off long enough to need to start over). We'll see how I hold up physically.
    Right on! Give it some time, take it slow and don't try to keep up with anyone. Hopefully without further injury your body will become accustomed to the rigors of the trail. It really takes 4-6 weeks to get trail hardened at which point it's alot more enjoyable.

    Best of luck.

  11. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by got milf? View Post
    You're going to have kids with this guy? Who tells you not to fulfill the dream of a lifetime, while you're not tied down by the responsibilities of kids yet? (Notice, I said yet.)

    He sounds like a "it's my way or the highway" type. Take the highway, veer off onto the trail, and tell him to have his own kids.
    And people wonder why there is a 50% divorce rate in this country.

    It is, quite frankly, thoughtless and irresponsible to suggest that a couple should divorce on account of a problem you have learned about via one or two posts on the internet. Yes, you can divorce a spouse, but an ex is for a lifetime.

    To Victoria: reading your posts over, I see that you do suffer from severe depression. I trust that you are treating that as seriously as a heart attack....because this obstacle is like a mountain climb for somebody with congestive heart failure. No, your depression may not rob you of your life in a single day, although sometimes it does, as you and I both know. It can rob you of your life one day at a time....and we both know that, too. My depression is fairly mild, and I can vouch for that. I hope I'm preaching to the choir on this one: you're worth the help and you should not on any account evade it. OK?

    One day at a time, with all the help you can get. That is what everybody on the planet needs. You are no different.

  12. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by VictoriaM View Post
    Talked to hubby tonight. He's planning to drive me back down to Hiawassee the last weekend of this month. April 1st is my restart date, beginning where I left off (I feel a little funny about that, but I guess I haven't been off long enough to need to start over). We'll see how I hold up physically.
    That is good news. Good luck to you, now and always!!
    (And make sure you take very good care of yourself on the trail....no denial, just like you promised hubby, didn't you! So do that, too.)

  13. #73
    Doting Membrane Skidsteer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VictoriaM View Post
    Talked to hubby tonight. He's planning to drive me back down to Hiawassee the last weekend of this month. April 1st is my restart date, beginning where I left off (I feel a little funny about that, but I guess I haven't been off long enough to need to start over). We'll see how I hold up physically.
    Have a great hike!
    Skids

    Insanity: Asking about inseams over and over again and expecting different results.
    Albert Einstein, (attributed)

  14. #74
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    Smile I do believe VictoriaM is rallying herself!

    VictoriaM

    Please take the time to see a medical professional if you have not already to learn what you may have done to injure your foot or feet and to learn what you can do to avoid this problem again when you resume your hike. Obviously, you should wait until your body is ready to support what you will call upon it to provide.
    Last edited by emerald; 03-19-2007 at 20:46. Reason: Specified injury to her foot or feet.

  15. #75
    Musta notta gotta lotta sleep last night. Heater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bfitz View Post
    A quote from a movie or tv show I barely remember watching last night and don't remember the name of that managed to stand out was "I don't use the term failure. I succeeded at figuring out what doesn't work!"
    Well, if you weren't so STONED...

    That short term thang yaknow....

    What were we talking about?!!

  16. #76
    Musta notta gotta lotta sleep last night. Heater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VictoriaM View Post
    Talked to hubby tonight. He's planning to drive me back down to Hiawassee the last weekend of this month. April 1st is my restart date, beginning where I left off (I feel a little funny about that, but I guess I haven't been off long enough to need to start over). We'll see how I hold up physically.
    '

    Way to go Victoria and also way to go "hubby". I am looking forward to following along with your Trailjournal.


  17. #77

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    Victoria
    I was supposed to hike in 2001. 3 weeks before I was to leave my daughter said she was getting married. I thought that was more important than hiking so I put my hike off. In 2006 I finally was able to hike. I went to Maine to hike southbound. I fell coming down Katahdin and broke my leg. Of course I didn't know it was broke so I kept hiking. The next day I hiked to Abol bridge. I realized that I could walk no more and came home. My leg healed quickly but my mind did not. My wife really doesn't want me to go again. A lot of people on WB and other hiking sites think hiking is the most important thing in the world. To me it is not. You may want to consider their marital status before feeling bad for putting more weight on your husbands happiness than perhaps they would. My wife and her happiness is important to me. Hiking is important to me. I can hike if I want, but a thru hike is a selfish thing to do. You must weight the cost verses benefit. Only you can make that choice. I still get depressed when I think about it to much. For me I will go back when the time is right. If you go back try to enjoy everyday and if being home becomes more important to you then hiking, go home.

    Good Luck
    Clyde

  18. #78
    Registered User Bravo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VictoriaM View Post
    Talked to hubby tonight. He's planning to drive me back down to Hiawassee the last weekend of this month. April 1st is my restart date, beginning where I left off (I feel a little funny about that, but I guess I haven't been off long enough to need to start over). We'll see how I hold up physically.
    Way to meet the challenge. Good for you. I think you'll enjoy telling your kids this story a lot more than the one from a few days ago.

  19. #79
    Super Moderator Ender's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VictoriaM View Post
    Talked to hubby tonight. He's planning to drive me back down to Hiawassee the last weekend of this month. April 1st is my restart date, beginning where I left off (I feel a little funny about that, but I guess I haven't been off long enough to need to start over). We'll see how I hold up physically.
    Excellent news. Best of luck! And remember, in the end, it's just walking in the woods. Take it easy, take it slow, and enjoy yourself out there.
    Don't take anything I say seriously... I certainly don't.

  20. #80
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    Whohoo! Prayers and safe travels to you.
    Keith

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