Turtle Riding on the AT?!?

[Jester2000]

Just got my copy of Appalachian Trailway News and must say that I'm disappointed in their choice of cover. It appears to be a photo of a freakishly massive turtle. Don't the editors of ATN realize that people might misconstrue this cover to mean that it's acceptable to ride huge mutant turtles on the trail, or use them as pack animals?

This trail is designed for HUMAN traffic. It can't take the erosion and (I'd imagine) enormous droppings that unnaturally enlarged turtles would create.

News to the ATN editors: it's a footpath. If you want to encourage people to ride genetically altered monster reptiles, start a magazine about a different trail, 'cause it ain't happening on the AT.

[Jeff]

I too wish the ATC would feature hikers on the cover of the ATN!!!!

[Lone Wolf]

Just got my copy of Appalachian Trailway News and must say that I'm disappointed in their choice of cover. It appears to be a photo of a freakishly massive turtle. Don't the editors of ATN realize that people might misconstrue this cover to mean that it's acceptable to ride huge mutant turtles on the trail, or use them as pack animals?

This trail is designed for HUMAN traffic. It can't take the erosion and (I'd imagine) enormous droppings that unnaturally enlarged turtles would create.

News to the ATN editors: it's a footpath. If you want to encourage people to ride genetically altered monster reptiles, start a magazine about a different trail, 'cause it ain't happening on the AT.

i think the first issue since becoming a conservany featured hores-packing in the virginia highlands. they lost my membership

[Jester2000]

i think the first issue since becoming a conservany featured hores-packing in the virginia highlands. they lost my membership

I find nothing wrong with whores-packing, but you forgot the "w."

Encouraging turtle riding is, however, deplorable.

[Marta]

I find nothing wrong with whores-packing, but you forgot the "w."

The second ammendment, and all that.

[Jester2000]

[QUOTE=Marta;411834][quote=Jester2000;411822]I find nothing wrong with whores-packing, but you forgot the "w."

The second ammendment, and all that.

No, no, no. It's illegal to pack a whore everywhere except some parts of Nevada.

The second amendment protect Lone Wolf's right to carry a gun, which he's gonna need if someone spooks a herd of these chelonian monstrosities and they, panicked, crawl ponderously towards him.

It wouldn't be pretty. Have you ever been the victim of a gigantic turtle stampede? No? Do you know why you haven't? Because they're not allowed on the AT, dammit!

[Jester2000]

Now that I think about it, Lone Wolf wouldn't technically have to carry the gun with him. Once the stampede started, he'd probably have time to go home, get his gun, and be back before they reached him. But still.

[Lone Wolf]

I find nothing wrong with whores-packing, but you forgot the "w."

Encouraging turtle riding is, however, deplorable.

my nappy headed ho's meet me at all road crossin's. i ain't packin' em in. i've been in touch with PETA who in turn will be in touch with the ATC about all these animals being exploited on the covers. poo is gonna hit the fan. conservancy my ass

[Jester2000]

conservancy my ass

Yeah, you know? If they really cared about the animals, they wouldn't be tacitly approving of all of the bizarre experiments necessary to get turtles large enough to ride.

And I don't want to hear anyone chiming in that Galapagos Tortoises are large enough to ride. There aren't that many of them, and they're notoriously difficult to break and take a saddle.

It's a travesty.

[Jimmers]

Hmm, could there be an article in this issue about making turtle soup that you just haven't gotten to yet?

[Lilred]

Yeah, you know? If they really cared about the animals, they wouldn't be tacitly approving of all of the bizarre experiments necessary to get turtles large enough to ride.

And I don't want to hear anyone chiming in that Galapagos Tortoises are large enough to ride. There aren't that many of them, and they're notoriously difficult to break and take a saddle.

It's a travesty.

Much less get that bit in their mouth. Spurs? forgetaboutit, useless.....

[Jester2000]

Hmm, could there be an article in this issue about making turtle soup that you just haven't gotten to yet?

Naw, man. You ever try to cook a turtle as large as the freak on the cover? It looks positively gargantuan. And gamey. No, that's clearly a turtle meant for riding. Or maybe guarding campsites from incredibly slow bears. Whatever.

But you prove my point. There's already confusion as to what these turtles are for, and where they can and can't go.

Is the ATC trying to encourage the slowest assisted illegal thru-hike ever? No? Then don't put reptilian behemoths on the cover!

[Jester2000]

Much less get that bit in their mouth. Spurs? forgetaboutit, useless.....

A bit in the mouth? Exactly. The beak on that thing would slice your hand off if you tried, and there's no way a rider could control that thing with spurs. This is a safety issue. Who's going to tell my loved ones that while I was out hiking on what was supposed to be a footpath I got trampled in slow motion by a mutant turtle that the rider couldn't control?

There are a lot of good reasons why hulking reptilian livestock isn't allowed on the trail. I just want ATC to realize that they're sending the wrong message with that cover.

[Jimmers]

If you're reduced to eating turtle soup, the turtle beng gamey is probably no big deal. A little splash of tobasco fixes everything. Of course not many hikers other than Samwise carry a pot that big, so I'm probably a little off.

Ooh, maybe they're being trained to ferry hikers across rivers?

[Jan LiteShoe]

The beak on that thing would slice your hand off if you tried,

Nor would you want to go swimming with one of those babies.

[Lone Wolf]

cindy ross is behind this s**t. gotta be. her, todd and the kids are gonna do a thru-hike of georgia on the sumbitches. should take about 4 months

[Skidsteer]

Nor would you want to go swimming with one of those babies.

Hey Hey Heyyy!! That's not funny.

Time to break out the pitchforks and torches. And codpieces.

[Jester2000]

. . .A little splash of tobasco fixes everything. . . .
Ooh, maybe they're being trained to ferry hikers across rivers?

A little splash of tabasco isn't going to fix me when I get slowly crushed in possibly the most easily avoided stampede ever.

As for crossing a river on one, I'll let Jan answer that one:

Nor would you want to go swimming with one of those babies.

'Cause who knows, right? You think you're fine, could've walked across, but you're livin' life high on the shell, so you're ferrying on the turtle, and WHAM! That crazily inbred genetically altered goliath has you right where he wants you -- out of your element and right into his big-beaked maw.

If ferrying is the plan, the ATC's even dumber than I thought.

[Jester2000]

cindy ross is behind this s**t. gotta be. her, todd and the kids are gonna do a thru-hike of georgia on the sumbitches. should take about 4 months

Hey, you know what? Fine. If Cindy feels the need to do a long distance hike with her family on these colossal brutes, she should go to the PCT, which is graded for turtles.

Plus, people out west are used to unnatural freaks (Schwartzenegger, sasquatch, Ray Jardine, etc.).

Anyway, 4 months on a turtle? The turtles would most likely die of exhaustion, but if you want to debate that, I suggest starting a thread called "4 Month Thru on a Turtle?"

This thread is about the ATN. Let's keep our outrage focused.

[camojack]

Hey, you know what? Fine. If Cindy feels the need to do a long distance hike with her family on these colossal brutes, she should go to the PCT, which is graded for turtles.

Plus, people out west are used to unnatural freaks (Schwartzenegger, sasquatch, Ray Jardine, etc.).

Anyway, 4 months on a turtle? The turtles would most likely die of exhaustion, but if you want to debate that, I suggest starting a thread called "4 Month Thru on a Turtle?"

This thread is about the ATN. Let's keep our outrage focused.

I still like the soup suggestion. Mmmm...snapper soup!