Afraid of men

[Traffic Jam]

As someone who has been bit by dogs more than once while out walking, I understand completely.
Not unrational at all.
People think that I'm overreacting when I freak out about their dogs, but it actually makes perfect sense based on my painful experiences.
Telling me that "she doesn't bite..." doesn't work. Sure, she doesn't bite you! But what about me?

Yep. Although our instinct is to try to put someone at ease, telling someone who's extra sensitive that there's nothing to be afraid of doesn't work. What is needed are Skills so the person can manage their fear and live life how they want.

[JohnHuth]

I don't have any great insights, but usually something like that can be cured in incremental steps.

It sounds to me that it's a priority for you to get beyond this and get functional to hike in the woods, so maybe an action plan is a good idea? I saw one posting about taking self-defense lessons. This would give you some confidence as a starting point. Then maybe deliberately seeking out men in a safe situation - e.g. with a couple, or in a safe setting. A hiking club would help because it builds in the exposure in the environment you are seeking out.

None of this eliminates completely any risk, but it may help get you adjusted to the real level of risk, as opposed to letting an internal reaction dictate activities.

[shelb]

With the trail being 9/10 men.... consider that before you start...

[gracebowen]

I have been working on it and im getting better. Thank you to everyone who gave good advice.

[English Stu]

+1 self defence knowledge and professional advice. I​ have heard advice not to write in registers; also to have a neutral Trail name and give one of your walking poles a name so it looks like there are two of you all the time. Chances are you will find walking buddies who will walk at you speed and give security.

[pickNgrin]

As a guy with 20-something year old daughters, here is my advice:

- Try to stay in a group.

- Carry pepper spray designed for self defense. Bear spray has the same active ingredient, but contrary to what some may think it is weaker due to a bear's senses being much greater than our own. If you end up having to use it, get away from the person immediately and get to where there are other people.

- Avoid hitchhiking if possible, and if you must do it never do it alone.

- Always be aware of your situation, and do not present yourself as a victim. Project confidence and awareness. Trust your gut instincts.

- Do not share a hotel room with a guy unless you want romance.

[saltysack]

As a guy with 20-something year old daughters, here is my advice:

- Try to stay in a group.

- Carry pepper spray designed for self defense. Bear spray has the same active ingredient, but contrary to what some may think it is weaker due to a bear's senses being much greater than our own. If you end up having to use it, get away from the person immediately and get to where there are other people.

- Avoid hitchhiking if possible, and if you must do it never do it alone.

- Always be aware of your situation, and do not present yourself as a victim. Project confidence and awareness. Trust your gut instincts.

- Do not share a hotel room with a guy unless you want romance.

Says a guy who picks a banjo!.....squeal like a pig....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lwhikerchris]

You will be able to use the hike itself as a therapeutic method to restore your faith in people. You will have to go outside your comfort zone.

[Turk6177]

I got this from a web site about travelers, but take a read. I think it will answer a lot of questions for you. Your own mindset and attitude is the most important part.

The Two Travelers and the Farmer

North America

A traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment."What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.
"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.
"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."
"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.
Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.
Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.
"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.
"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."
"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

[Secondmouse]

Grace, I think you got some good answers, hope you feel more comfortable than before.

but I gotta ask, what's up with your avatar?..

it looks like a bearded guy with his leg raised offering up his packages...

[glenlawson]

is it possible for you to take a significant section hike at some point in the near future? say 2 to 3 weeks? I think this could let you know if you are prepared for this.

I think it would also be good to try to create experiences where you have positive experiences with guys and coed groups. I am a somewhat awkward person and I enjoy activities that don't require much personal interaction or sharing. While I generally prefer my own company, I come away from these things looking forward to the next time.

I would also suggest getting good at packing up your tent and sleeping bag. Having the confidence to know that you can break camp in just a few minutes may give you peace of mind when you find yourself in the uh-oh situation. I get peace of mind from setting up my tent/camp early, you may want to wait until the last minute. Just a thought.

[Praha4]

my advice is find a hiking partner for your AT adventures...preferably another female hiker

just for your own mental health

believe it or not, 99.5% of male hikers are not on the AT trying to pickup women ... when I read posts like yours I realize even more it's best to just avoid and not even try to talk with women hikers, as even a polite "hello" is interpreted as a pickup line

have fun

[gracebowen]

my advice is find a hiking partner for your AT adventures...preferably another female hiker

just for your own mental health

believe it or not, 99.5% of male hikers are not on the AT trying to pickup women ... when I read posts like yours I realize even more it's best to just avoid and not even try to talk with women hikers, as even a polite "hello" is interpreted as a pickup line

have fun

I dont mind polite convetsation. Just dont touch me or stand too close.

[rocketsocks]

Oh good lord, get over it honey!

[ScareBear]

Oh good lord, get over it honey!

And....there goes my mineral water onto the computer screen....glad it wasn't coffee!

[Feral Bill]

Oh good lord, get over it honey!

You're out of line, I'm afraid. Everyone has different personal boundaries. It's best to respect them regardless. Also, patronizing women rarely has good results of any kind.

[Engine]

I dont mind polite convetsation. Just dont touch me or stand too close.

Then shelters are definitely out, as well as hostels, buffet lines, etc.

[ScareBear]

Then shelters are definitely out, as well as hostels, buffet lines, etc.

Male doctors?
Bus?
Plane?
Train?
Ski lift?

Kinda hard to avoid being near us...since we're almost 50 percent of the world's population...

If you can't stand to stand next to a male, sit next to a male or speak to a male stranger, then it is kinda to the point that you should get some professional help. Or a therapy dog...

[CHILL_TX]

Just another dude on the internet here, and also a dude on the trail (I was born that way, so sue me), and I have to agree. Throwing yourself into a situation surrounded by your worst fears is almost never a healthy or successful way to confront those fears. The kind of fear you are talking about is not something as simple as a fear of heights or spiders. Find some peace first. Having a goal of doing a thru hike once you've achieved that peace might even be something that would help you in working towards overcoming those fears. It could even be your "last big step" in finding true and lasting peace about your past, and being able to trust men again.

I wish you the very best in finding your peace whether it's pre hike, during, or post hike.

Have you seen a therapist? Because this sounds like something that should probably be addressed by a professional and not a lot of dudes on the internet (I am not a dude, but 90% of the responses will be from dudes).

[greensleep]

I dont mind polite convetsation. Just dont touch me or stand too close.

I suggest gradual desensitizing. Plenty of nice guys out there and most who hike the trail are.