Kids, marriage, ohhhh my

[ams212001]

In my late night thinking I started to wonder how many people who long distant hike ended up choosing to not have kids or even get married?

If you choose to forgo kids/marriage what do you do to keep your life fulfilling aside from hiking?

Or, did hiking help to confirm that kids and marriage were important to you?

[Nyte]

Not sure, but it seems like your post is from the view that marriage and kids are fulfilling to everyone. For some, they are just the opposite. It's about finding what's right for you, and what fills a life with meaning for one, is generally not the same person to person, regardless of what media and popular societal views say.

[ams212001]

I don't feel like it is for everyone, but that seems to the goal of a lot of people. That is why I wonder just because I value family but necessarily enough to have kids or to marry. I figured it would be different from person to person. That is why I am curious.

[moldy]

It's not for everyone, you can take another path, a different trail.

[gsingjane]

Speaking only for myself and my marriage and family, and also as a woman (maybe that should make a difference and maybe it shouldn't but) I think that it would have been difficult for me to leave for extended periods of time, to go hiking or really anything else, and find things the same when I returned as when I left. I am amazed and impressed by some of the wonderful hiking accomplishments I read about on here, people doing multiple long distance trails, or thru-hiking repeatedly, but I am also pretty sure that isn't something I could do, consistent with my having a family. I read all the time, people say, "well, just go for it if that's what you want to do," but I also wonder, how does that really work? Yes, my husband does trust and support me, enough to be married to me for close to 25 years now, but I also don't know that requires him to say, yeah, it's fine if you walk out the door for six months. In terms of the kids - same thing. I'm moving closer to the time that I won't have any living full-time with me anymore, but certainly when they were younger, it's very hard to imagine I could have left for some extended period of time and they would have been perfectly fine with it because I was "following my dream."

It's not like I've been sitting here pining away to get out for all these years, or feel like I've been treated unfairly in any way. I would take my family over long-distance hiking any day, and hopefully before I'm gone, I'll get the chance to experience both. And, people do seem to make this work, although I'd think it would be key to find someone who agreed, up-front, that this was going to be the deal, before entering into a marriage. A tiny fraction of folks seem to combine a marriage, having kids, and long-distance hiking altogether (going out as a family, even writing books about it!) and that certainly sounds like the best of all worlds. It's not the world I found myself in, though.

[Slo-go'en]

I spent a lot of time in the woods during my prime mating years, which might be a factor in why I'm still single. The other is not wanting to have the kind of problems many of my married friends went through - it's not all bliss. Of course, some of them worked out fine, but they were the minority.

Not having a wife, child(s) or even an intimate girl friend has saved me bundles and bundles of money and has allowed me to enjoy a non-traditional lifestyle without any of the emotional trama many couples experiance. Not having a mate gives you all the freedom you need to do what ever the hell you want, when ever you want to do it I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this.

[takethisbread]

my family is the greatest impediment to long distance hiking. I love them and miss my wife at the end of each day. every great moment seems a little less without my wife to share it with. every defeat is unbearable without her counsel. this is my greatest fear as I embark soon to Georgia. I kinda wish sometimes I didn't have all these things pulling me away . I know life would be far less satisfying without all them. I'm going to try to have both. it's not going to be easy.


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[4shot]

my family is the greatest impediment to long distance hiking. I love them and miss my wife at the end of each day. every great moment seems a little less without my wife to share it with. every defeat is unbearable without her counsel. this is my greatest fear as I embark soon to Georgia. I kinda wish sometimes I didn't have all these things pulling me away . I know life would be far less satisfying without all them. I'm going to try to have both. it's not going to be easy.


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being away from the spouse and home for so long is a challenge during the thru hike that many single hikers do not face. I spent a few days with my wife in Gatlinburg, Damascus and in Pa. At the end of each visit it was difficult to say goodbye and I would be in a funk for a day or two until I got back into the rhythm of the trail. fortunately I was warned of this prior by a previous thru hiker who was similar in age to me. If you have a good marriage, the separation is a huge issue. be prepared for it. Fortunately my wife knew how long I had wanted to do the hike so she always supported me and reminded me how much I had planned and dreamed of walking from Georgia to Maine.


To the OP, it doesn't have to be either/or situation. Like the commercials say, you can have it all. with that being said, as much as I had wanted to thru hike, I (and evidently most) didn't consider it at all while my children were at home. That's one reason you don't see very many thru hikers in the 30 - 50 age bracket (of course there were/are exceptions).

[Deadeye]

Marriage/family and hiking/fun are not mutually exclusive activities!

[MDSection12]

My wife is supportive of my hiking, and understands that it may one day take over a six month period within one year... But I just hope I can put off, or avoid altogether, the whole kids deal. I have no innate need to have children.

[Feral Bill]

When she was ten, my daughter hiked the Wonderland Trail with me. It would not have been nearly so wonderful without her. She and he brother both still hike. In a couple or three years I'll be free (of work) to do a thru hike. My wife will enjoy the peace and quiet, I expect, and poin me for some short sections. If I'd had a different life, who knows?

[daddytwosticks]

My wife and kids are number one in my life. Hiking is a passion of mine, but it's just a hobby, not a lifestyle. Long distance or thru hiking will have to wait until retirement in 5 years. Takethisbread summed it up perfectly.

[4eyedbuzzard]

my family is the greatest impediment to long distance hiking. I love them and miss my wife at the end of each day. every great moment seems a little less without my wife to share it with. every defeat is unbearable without her counsel. this is my greatest fear as I embark soon to Georgia. I kinda wish sometimes I didn't have all these things pulling me away . I know life would be far less satisfying without all them. I'm going to try to have both. it's not going to be easy.


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The best things never are.

[ChinMusic]

My wife and kids are number one in my life. Hiking is a passion of mine, but it's just a hobby, not a lifestyle. Long distance or thru hiking will have to wait until retirement in 5 years.

Yup. Hiking is a hobby and a vacation. My family is my life.

[ams212001]

I enjoy reading the different views. I asked this question not because I see marriage/kids as black and white. I am happily comfortable with my life and I don't have kids and I am not married so it makes hiking/traveling very easy.

I just started thinking about the few friends that I have told about attempting a thru hike. Most are married and I tend to get the same response that they wish they could do something similar but have too many responsibilities.

I just wondered how the hiking community balances family and their hiking.

Or, if there were more people like Slo-go'en who genuinely are genuinely ok with not having a "conventional" family.

I am not passing judgement are think there is a right or wrong answer. It is just interesting to see the variety of responses.

[MuddyWaters]

Some balance it this way:

http://www.backpackinglight.com/cgi-...as-jordan.html

[canoe]

Some balance it this way:

http://www.backpackinglight.com/cgi-...as-jordan.html

WOW if ya can work it out that would be fantastic. But I wonder if my desires to long distant hike wouldbe inflicted upon my family. Maybe this is something they all truely desire. That would great. But very few families are of one mind. Good luck to this family

[FarmerChef]

I love my family and don't think my life would be nearly as enriched if it weren't for them. Of course, that's just my situation. I think if I hadn't met my wife and had a family I would have met another woman, fallen in love and had a family. My wife and kids are the most important thing in my life, after God, and I feel so much more fulfilled sharing my life with them than without.

How did I deal with balancing my relationship with them with my dream to hike the whole AT? I brought everyone with me. They've joined me on every AT hike through all but two states. Has it been challenging? Have we had some really good arguments right on the trail? Do the kids still argue with one another just like at home? Yes, yes and yes. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. The AT is now woven into the fabric of their lives in ways I didn't even see when we began. And each shares a unique relationship to it that has grown bigger than me or my dream and is now a part of their own, whether they continue hiking when we're done or not. I am SO glad I've gotten to share this one dream with them.

[canoe]

Good words farmer. When the kids were still at home they were always with us. Just camping and short hikes. Now the kids are gone but me and my wife are still working. We do sections together. She says she is not interested in thru but would help support me if I wanted to do it when the time comes. And she would hike with me at some locations. Thats out situation

[daddytwosticks]

Good words farmer. When the kids were still at home they were always with us. Just camping and short hikes. Now the kids are gone but me and my wife are still working. We do sections together. She says she is not interested in thru but would help support me if I wanted to do it when the time comes. And she would hike with me at some locations. Thats out situation

I'm sure you still count yourself lucky that your wife will join you for short sections when you thru. My wife's health will prevent her from doing this if and when I do long distances hikes during retirement. Maybe she can meet me at road crossings in a motor home? For now, she supports (and shuttles) me when I do section hiking when her health permits.