Advice: My Thru Hike Partner might be backing out

[Spot In The Sky]

Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.

As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.

Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.

What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?

Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?

[fiddlehead]

Happened to me on my first thru in '77.
Went anyway, had the time of my life.
Never looked back or regretted my decision.
Good luck.

[jersey joe]

I would advise that you go in July and thru hike without your friend. You will meet other hikers out there that you can hike with.

[Bilko]

You don't have a choice. Start your hike when you have already planned. You cannot let someone else decide or make decisions for you. I'm not sure how many SOBO's hikers start in July. I'm guessing you will not be alone for long. As fiddlehead wrote, never look back. You might regret it for a long, long time.

[white_russian]

Even if you did start together it would probably just be a matter of time before you split up anyways. Most thru-hike partnerships don't last too long, but some do make it all the way though. In the end it is most likely the way things would have ended up anyway. Go have fun, plenty of new friends to meet on the trail.

[Pacific Tortuga]

Note to self : always plan ALL your trips as if you, were the only one going.
Invite others and if they bail out on you, your trip is not ruined or worse yet, over.
When you go alone you are more open to meeting new people and trying new things.

[Many Walks]

Spot In The Sky, who says you can't do it alone? You can if you want to. You'll figure it out as you go. Practice cooking and camping in your back yard and do some short practice hikes to gain experience and confidence. You really don't need to rely on this person who backed out. You'll most likely meet people to hike with and you'll have the time of your life. Enjoy your hike!

[The_Saint]

Lucky you, chances are you wouldn't have finished together anyway. This will probably save your friendship if anything. I saw far too many people who's partners left. You're better off finding someone who's already on the trail.

[stranger]

Like others have said, partnerships don't last most of the time, especially those who form before the hike, although there is always something comforting about "starting" with another person.

Sobo is not nearly as popular as Nobo, but leaving in early July there should be plenty of other hikers around.

You might be able to find someone starting on the same day if you go to the Hooking Up section on this site, or contact the AT Lodge in Millinocket and they will be able to tell you when the majority of hikers leave, because they usually shuttle them anyhow...

Have fun!

[DapperD]

Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.

As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.

Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.

What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?

Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?

This is obviously a major letdown to you, as it would be to anyone. Having planned to go together, and then now being faced to go alone instead of with a known mutual friend has made your start more challenging and unnerving. However, as other's have said, a thru-hike can be an unpredictable adventure. There is no way of knowing that either yourself or your friend might not have become injured, disinterested, etc..., etc... and either yourself or your friend would have been left to go it alone. One thing you may consider is to advertise on here about being interested in finding a mutual partner whom you could begin your hike with. Also you could simply go and start your journey solo and find other's who are beginning their thru-hikes around the same time. I think around July 1st is the peak date for Southbounder's to begin their treks, that would probably work and be advantageous in your favor in finding a partner beginning their hike if you do start out solo at around that time.

[DapperD]

Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.

As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.

Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.

What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?

Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?

This is obviously a major letdown to you, as it would be to anyone. Having planned to go together, and then now being faced to go alone instead of with a known mutual friend has made your start more challenging and unnerving. However, as other's have said, a thru-hike can be an unpredictable adventure. There is no way of knowing that either yourself or your friend might not have become injured, disinterested, etc..., etc... and either yourself or your friend would have been left to go it alone. One thing you may consider is to advertise on here about being interested in finding a mutual partner whom you could begin your hike with. Also you could simply go and start your journey solo and find other's who are beginning their thru-hikes around the same time. I think around July 1st is the peak date for Southbounder's to begin their treks, that would probably work and be advantageous in your favor in finding a partner beginning their hike if you start at that time.

[Israel]

Don't let your lack of "experience" keep you from going. prior experience on day, weekend, or week long hikes is not a precursor to success for a thru hike. If you are personally interested in doing the trip and excited by the prospect and feel it is a journey you should take, by all means, go regardless of your friend. There will be other hikers out there and as others stated, many who start together don't finish together. this website is an amazing resource that you can learn a ton from as you prep for your hike.

Good luck and smile in the sunshine.

[MJW155]

As others have said, why can't you do it alone? If you are going to do something on a scale this big, it should be done alone IMO. The reason why is because you may want to hike 10 miles one day and the other guy 4. Or vice versa. Or maybe you want to stick around in a town you like an extra day. It's hard enough planning this for 1 person. I can't imagine 2.

[MJW155]

I know a guy that had never backpacked in his life that decided to hike the trail. He had gone camping and knew the basics, but that was about it. He just said F' it and did it. It took him 6 months because it took him a while to get the hang of it. He told me by the time he got to Virginia, he was thinking of hiking all the way back once he got to Maine. He didn't, but he did a SB hike the next year. Trust me, if this guy could do it, you can.

[Bronk]

I agree with what others have said here...

I saw partners split up many times...one trio of young guys split up...a couple of father and son split ups...by the time I got to Waynesboro the only pairs of people I knew of that were still together on the trail were husband and wife...those are the only partnerships that seem to work over a long period of time.

Its best you start off on your own and feel free to have your own experience rather than go into it with unrealistic expectations.

[Dogwood]

Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.

As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.

Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.

What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?

Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?

Why did you first desire to thru-hike? Was it your goal? Your dream? Your desire? Your vision? If it was your desire to thru-hike then you got to mature to the realization that not everyone(actually the vast majority) who starts a journey a goal a desire a project w/ you will be with you at the finish line! It's true in life and it can be true with hiking! It's true - not everyone who starts out on a hike together always hikes together or finishes together, even if both finish!

A lot of your concern is that your preconceived images and thoughts you had of you hiking w/ your friend are no longer valid. Just build new positive thoughts and images! Several other posters have already given you some good thoughts to ponder about this situation! Get comfortable with the notion that life is sometimes unpredictable -and so is hiking!

While it may be true that being a more experienced hiker can help or hiking w/ someone who is experienced can help a person who is lacking experience IT IS NOT an absolute prerequisite for enjoying and completing a successful thru-hike! Keep that in mind as you build new images and thoughts! At one time, every now experienced hiker, had to take that first step on a trail to start gaining experience! Besides, eventually you would have had to examine your own reasons for wanting to hike, whether you were hiking with someone or not! Now, the flakiness of your friend forces you to do that. Now, if you do decide to thru-hike, whether it be with someone else or on your own, it's on you!

I've had friends bail on long distance hikes. While I was always dissappointed when that happened that NEVER stopped me from continuing. While I shared a vision for both of us to hike together I also had my own vision and reasons to thru-hike, independent of whether or not someone bailed on me.

Yes, you will meet people on the AT. Some of them will be going SOBO. However, realize that the overall percentage of AT SOBOers is MUCH less than AT NOBOers. Also, realize you still have several months before an anticipated SOBO start date. If you start making your intentions known there is plenty of time to find out about others who may be heading your way, their start dates, and if any other SOBOers are willing to start w/ you.

[Spot In The Sky]

Hey Team- thanks so much for everyones advice- very encouraging stuff.
Up until 2007 I was a fat lazy person and out of no where i got this urge to run. I ran and ran and ran and then in Octobert of 2008 I ran a marathon and it felt amazing to accomplish a goal that i thought was bigger than myself. The idea of hiking the trail, based on everything i read, seems like such a life changing experience and this is the ideal time in my life to take that challenge/opportunity. On another level- my daily life is consumed by electronics and computers and email and....things- just so many things. And I want to prove to myself that I am not reliant on those things- that I can survive without them and gain a new appreciation for the world around me, not just how something works when you plug it in. A thru hilke seems so fullfilling based on everything Ive researched, and it brings you into a different self awareness that i think ive always wanted to find. I live in VA and have done a lot of hiking in Shennandoah but only been camping there once, but i love the freedom of hiking and the views that are so unique.
I think my friend suggesting a thru hike was kind of inspiring for me, because it was something that i had not even considered, but since we started planning last july, ive been so worked up about it- reading books, buying and testing gear, reading online, talking to friends and family about personal experiences. It all seems like something I can do, and something I was meant to do.

[Maddog]

good luck...see you on the trail!

[Lyle]

Partner backing out? My advice would be to just go out and take a hike. Decide what you want to do while hiking. :-)

Don't waste all your planning and arranging the time off - that's the toughest part of a hike like this for most folks

About the "things" you mention. That was the absolute best lesson I learned through long-distance hiking. How very few possessions I actually needed to be totally happy and content. Not saying I haven't accumulated things again, but I know for an absolute fact that NONE of them are necessary.

Good Luck and HAVE FUN!

[Many Walks]

Partner backing out can be a good thing. Now you can make it YOUR HIKE! You can do it. Enjoy!