Bear Warning
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Came across this, made me laugh...
“If there’s one thing the AT teaches, it is low-level ecstasy—something we could all do with more of in our lives.”
ALASAKA + 142.JPGsaw this one in Alaska this past August!
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This want takes the cake! Posted in places in East Texas where black bears are slowly showing up. Feral hogs here are public enemy number one and can be hunted year round 24/7. So TP&W wants to make sure no hillbilly mistakes a bear for a hog! This sign is the subject of many laughs.
Here is the funny thing... The Louisiana Black Bear (or Honey Bear) as the locals call them are small. A 200 pounder would be big. I have personally seen feral hogs over 300!
That really had me laughing... Thanks for that, I needed it...Originally Posted by Hummy585
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Well, lets be honest. Anything with four legs looks like BBQ to Texan after a couple Shiners.
"That's the thing about possum innards - they's just as good the second day." - Jed Clampett
Texan's can make a BBQ'd flip flop taste great.Well, lets be honest. Anything with four legs looks like BBQ to Texan after a couple Shiners.
What's that there? Smells good.Texan's can make a BBQ'd flip flop taste great.
Smokin' some dry-rub Croc.
I've never had crocodile before.
What crocodile?
"That's the thing about possum innards - they's just as good the second day." - Jed Clampett
Road kill Croc.
This tread is going downhill.Road kill Croc.
"That's the thing about possum innards - they's just as good the second day." - Jed Clampett
We need more bear signs
Where are the little bells?We need more bear signs
"That's the thing about possum innards - they's just as good the second day." - Jed Clampett
At least we don't have the worries that Australia does, apparently they fall from trees on the unsuspecting.
like a good spaghetti sauce, they're in there.
Bear warning = John Goodman screaming, "Ahm Gittin Nekkid"
It's not a good year for them.Road kill Croc.
If you are ever feeling a little down, a bear visit may be just the thing to cheer you up. After only a few moments of watching the adorable antics of a big old fuzzball, it seems that one’s troubles always gain a new perspective. For the really despondent days, sneaking a quick bear hug almost seems to provide an endorphin rush that will carry you through the rest of the day.
The most foolproof method of assuring a bear visit is to feed it. Never mind that it is illegal. I don’t know how the people who write the laws expect us to see bears if they don’t let us feed them. Don’t the politicians know that a bear is basically a gigantic stomach with an industrial strength nose attached? The claws are just accessories for digging up, prying apart and smacking things that come between it and its food, and the teeth are for making the food stop trying to get away, and tearing it into swallowable chunks.
Fortunately for us bearwatchers, a bear will eat just about anything, so it is fairly easy to come up with something that will draw them. Garbage. Birdseed. Horse food. Dog food. Barbecue grills. Garbage. Fish guts. Meat scraps. Compost. Seaweed. Garbage. Chickens. Rabbits. Dogs. Garbage. Cats. Goats. Horses. Sheep. Small squealing children. Garbage. Snacks. Blood. Garbage. Large squealing men. Garbage. If you toss it, they will come.
When in doubt about the culinary preferences of your local bear, you can’t go wrong using bacon grease. Here are some simple bacon grease techniques that anybody can employ to virtually assure at least a glimpse of a bear if not a warm embrace. Use bacon grease for hair gel. Bacon grease works well as a soothing lotion for dry, chapped skin. A little bacon grease rubbed under your nose at night before you roll into your sleeping bag reduces snoring. Try lubricating your backpack buckles with bacon grease to eliminate squeaking. This has the added advantage of making your hike more silent, thus minimizing the chance of spooking any particularly shy bears that may be in the vicinity. Bacon grease makes a great bug dope. It doesn’t repel the bugs, but they stick to it like flypaper.
Camping out of doors provides an ideal opportunity to become one with your bear friends. Here as everywhere else it is critical to maximize the food appeal of your campsite if you hope for a rewarding bear encounter. Avoid those stodgy, killjoy bear-proof containers. Not only do they sterilize the scent of any food you place within, but bears have Attention Deficit Disorder and quickly lose interest in any container they cannot crush, rupture, pry apart, slash, puncture or shred.
Make sure you cook something very smelly right beside your tent. In fact, you might want to consider cooking it inside your tent if you enjoy the cheery blaze of burning nylon, and don’t feel like lugging your tent back home. Bacon is ideal. Let the grease splatter all over your clothing and your tent wall. After the food is prepared, eat it sloppily. Dribble gouts of it onto the front of your shirt. Spill it into the silt-laden moss at your feet. When you are full, give the leftovers a toss into the alders nearby.
You will probably use your cookware and mess kit the next morning so don’t bother washing them. Leave them laying on the ground by the fire pit. Lean your backpack against a tree withthe food pocket open in case you get the urge for a midnight snack. Before you turn in, make sure you transfer half a dozen granola bars, a bag of snack mix, a bottle of blueberry smoothie, and a jumbo pack of smoked jerky to your tent. Eat half of it while you and your tent mate exchange ghost stories, allowing the crumbs to delicately enhance the texture of your tent floor and sleeping bag.
What you do not eat right away, place within easy reach beside your sleeping bag so that you may grab it during the night to feed to any bear that may show up. After you fall asleep, roll over onto your stash and wallow around energetically, until anything that may remain sealed bursts open spewing crushed crumbs into the atmosphere like a mini volcano. If you’re fortunate, you may even be able to smear chocolate chips into your beard and soak your socks with blueberry smoothie.
Of course, if you happen to be hunting or fishing, your chance of rubbing shoulders with bears increases exponentially. In these situations, all you really need to do to experience the thrill of a bear encounter is to stack your bloody moose quarters beside your tent. Also, be sure to bring your bloody knife into the tent with you, along with your bloody gloves, and for good measure cut off a fresh slab of raw moose meat to munch on in the tent to demonstrate your machismo.
- Hosier, George (2011-11-08). Trouble Bruin (Chinook, Tongue-in-Cheek Alaskana).
Last edited by Casey & Gina; 02-10-2016 at 15:40.
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